Hug & A Wink

Last Thursday I was so involved in a post-dinner conversation, I found myself driving out of my way, past my girl's job as if she was in my car.  When I socialize in DC, I sometimes pick her up from her office so we don't have to fool with two cars.  And even though she wasn't with me, I was so involved in my phone conversation, I drove to her job anyway. 

What could I possibly be discussion?  Flirting.  Specifically, me flirting constantly.  I don't flirt.  I don't smooth out my clothes or stare into the eyes of strangers.  I merely glance occasionally.  Nope I don't flirt if those are the other behaviors considered flirting.  I actually try not to to do that.  In my 20's a young man I'd grown up with pulled away from a hello hug and told me not to hug men like that.  It sent the wrong message.  I thought about the post-hug reactions I got from men.  I stopped because sending the wrong message was the last thing I wanted to do.  In graduate school, a suitor told me the way I talked to his cousin was flirting.  Again, I assessed how I was speaking to his cousin, and made adjustments because I didn't want to send the wrong message. 

If the behavior is judged by the response, I guess it could appear that I'm intentionally flirting.  However, my intention isn't to flirt or gain anything except an experience.  So when I'm somewhere waiting for friends and a man starts making conversation, I am interested in who he is, not seeing him naked.  When I ask questions of a suitor's relative, I sincerely want to hear more about how they were raised on another continent!

Here's the thing about messages:  We send them even when we don't intend to.  We live in a world where women don't smile and many are downright unfriendly.  While those women might feel like they don't owe men, or the world, a smile or even a soft facial expression, a hard one also sends a message.  So it's no wonder that these hard-faced women are treated as such.  Not that it's an excuse for poor treatment from strangers, but I know that when man, woman, or child greets me with a knitted brow and/or scowl, it doesn't put me in a good place.

In the spirit of YOLO, I encourage readers, men and women, to think plessant thoughts and let those thoughts show on their faces.  I promise you, people will be nicer--not everyone but you will receive a favorable response from most.  I am not an intentional flirt.  I ginuinely like people--especially NEW people who have interesting stories and perspectives.

That said, for the life of me, I don't completely get the benfits of women walking around looking like they hate the world.  It damned sure doesn't stop men from hitting on them.