My Brother–On A Date

So as not to blog in her comments section, (I don’t think she has a blog anymore.), I’d like to expound on the comment I made yesterday.

Well, also being in the DC area, I read this not thinking that it’s a cost issue. There are SEVERAL great spots in the area that are the same price point as TGIF, etc. It’s just lazy to not make the effort to go on OpenTable.com and find one…Or at least that’s the way I read the post. I really believe our ‘acceptable’ for the DC area is a lot different in other places. This goes for men and women. But really, it really is about effort. Treat me the same way you’d expect a man to treat your sisters, nieces, daughters, etc. My logic is that if a man doesn’t think I’m as good as his kin, then he probably thinks way too little of me.

Also, I think these men will meet women who will just be so thankful to have a date, they’ll actually be OK with dutch. You just aren’t one of those women. Also, it could be that chain spots are how these men roll on a daily basis. But if you find men who are typically outside of the chain circuit, they are more likely to automatically take you somewhere you’ll find appropriate.

As is often stated on these innanets, a woman’s (and man’s), preference has a lot to do with whether she remains single or gets married.  It’s said that women are single because they have preferences.  I think the same could be said about married women.  Their preference is why they are married to the men they are married to.  IT IS NOT A LACK OF PREFERENCE THAT GETS YOU MARRIED OR KEEPS YOU SINGLE.  The men who roll with chain restaurants out the gate end up with women who are cool with it (or should).  See?  It all works out.

BUT…

There’s a fine line between giving a man a chance and realizing early on that, at the most basic level, you aren’t matching.  I think this is the place where the interpretation of the post went in two different directions.  I interpreted the writer as speaking about effort and using restaurants as one example. I would think this would be the same as the men who don’t like women to show up with a pony-tail on the first date.  Or the time I couldn’t date a man because he didn’t read.  HE.  DID.  NOT.  READ.  Y’all!  How’d he get his news?  What news? He got his news from WPGC (urban radio).  *Jesus wept* (In this moment, I don’t remember who this was, exactly.  But since this was written, we have so many more news sources.  Yet, I still know people who don’t get their news from ANYWHERE. As in, they STILL think voting for Tr.u.mp is a fantastic idea.  Liberals AND conservatives.)

Some took that to mean she was passing over perfectly good men because of their first date planning skills. Trust, me, I know this happens.  But I also know that women often over-look things only to end up later accepting what they felt from day one–they aren’t a good social/financial/etc. match.  AND, remember, I’m in DC so if she’s passing them up, more men for me.  What?  I’m still nubile.  (I’m still legally single. Get at me!) (Gives AMES, of ‘Borderline Barren’ fame, a hard side-eye).

After going back and reading the remaining comments and other stuff inspired by the original post, I was at a complete loss for how some readers took what some of the engaged/married women were saying as them standing on some high horse.  It may be because I’ve been reading comments from former blogger, TIH and to a lesser extent another former blogger ,Pserendipity for years and never got that ‘vibe’ from them.  Everyone was speaking from their perspective.  (Y’all I had to keep going back to your posts cus I kept copying the links and forgetting to insert them.  I promise I wasn’t stalking y’all.)

There was this guy SD.  I really liked him.  He would never plan dates beyond the first one.  He would ask me out, we’d have a slamming time.  He was OK with ‘fancy’ or carry out from The Muffin Man.  He’d go anywhere I wanted, gladly pay, etc. but it was all about where I chose.  I think the difference between him and the guys the writer was talking about was that those men ONLY go to chains.  They aren’t trying to see what else is out there.  There’s some really cool stuff in and around DC.  BTW, anyone going to that Green Book play?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Tickets are $15-25!  Oh word?  Nobody, huh?  Y’all ain’t worth nuthin’! (I am ALWAYS looking for a play or musical to see.)

There are other men who I didn’t date again after the initial effortless first dates.  The difference between SD and them is that I liked SD enough that I was willing to give US the opportunity to make our dates about our interaction, not our setting.  I think we would do good to take men on a case-by-case basis while keeping basic parameters in mind.  Is he respectful, responsible, ambitious?  Can he read?  Does he care about my well-being (physically and emotionally)?

Completely unrelated:  Has Epiphany officially surpassed Destiny as the given stripper name du jour?

NOTE:  I think this actually boils down to a man showing effort in a way that a woman is willing to receive it.  She sees effort as going beyond the first parking lot he sees after he picks her up or leaves his house.  Some women recognize effort as how much the man pays.  Other women recognize effort as the man calling to confirm before the date.  It’s not up to me to tell anyone what will work for them.  Then again, there’s THIS.