Think Pretty Smart

Hey Bro

Back a decade ago when I dated Doc, he and his friends used to call the speech pattern associated with white frat boys 'Hey-Bro'.  The first time I heard him say it I completely knew what he was talking about.  I have what might be an irrational fear of them.  I will not be alone with more than one of them--especially if drinks are involved.  More than I fear that they would do something to me, I fear that if they chose to, they'd get away with it.  So my fear is less about them as a group and more about how they are perceived by America and the justice system.  From my vantage point, were a crime committed against me, I'm in a better position to get justice if it were done by a Hispanic or Black person. 

Spin Class

The other day the idea of how men and women use time came up.  It was decided that when men have spare time, want to escape, they do it differently than women.  Men will go take up fencing.  Women, on the other hand, will adopt three puppies.  The difference?  He's taking up a hobby that he can drop at any time.  But the woman, she picks up a responsibility.

At the heart of this difference is women's need to prove worth while nurturing.  I don't know if this comes from pressure from society or is more of a nurture thing.  But I know I've been guilty of taking on responsibilities in times of stress.  I once got a whole degree because the week after the break-up, I heard a commercial that got me to thinking it was a great idea.  The only problem was that I had to finish.  I signed up for a TWO year commitment.  And on the surface, it seems like a brilliant thing to do.  The verdict is still out. 

As seriously as women take these added responsibilities, men will prioritize their hobbies the same way.  Kids have a soccer game on Sunday mornings?  Too bad cus dad has a regular tee time.  If I could count the number of married men I know who never missed one appointment to enjoy their hobbies while their wives were trying to get sitters so they could get their hair done. Again, a hobby that could easily be skipped or rescheduled?  Men don't move it.  Women, put in the same position, will miss their scheduled tennis match so that the children can be where they need to be. 

This happens outside of relationships too. 

The worse part of this all is that women take on these extra responsibilities then complain about being under-appreciated and over-worked. It's fascinating.  Maybe women are just more giving.  Maybe the our natural instinct is to take on tasks that make the world better.  Eh.  What do I know?  I won't reschedule my spinning class, nap, happy hour, nail appointment, etc. so...

He Looks For Reasons To Give Back

Some time ago, I met what appeared to be a cool dude.  He asked me out but our schedules could never align.  The reason, he coached SEVERAL teams.  He had no kids of his own.  Nor did he have and family members or God-children on any of these teams--at ANY time.  I found this weird.  I probed a bit and found out most of his coaching was done with disadvantaged kids.  He was a man trying to give back.  I didn't buy it for one minute and never took any more of his calls.

This Bliss

When I was in high school, I joined the track team.  If I was going to run, I was intent on being properly outfitted.  I had my mom get me some expensive running shoes.  They were pink, purple, and super cute. They even had an air chamber in the heel.  The first day of practice came and I was ready to run.  The boys went to their coach and the girls went to our coach.  My coach expected the girls to run outside on the street island.  In Detroit, our bigger streets have grassy islands in the middle.  Meanwhile, the boys were able to run inside.  This didn't sit well with me.  To make a long story short, my track career ended that spring day.

My Older Brother

The other day, my mother said, "Real talk, I'm not one of these New Jack mothers."  I made a mental note to either take her internet away or at least put some blocks on which sites she can visit.  Much like I had no tolerance for my nana declaring she was 'keeping it real', thanks to her having stumbled upon BET, I will not have my mother in these streets using 'real talk' or 'New Jack'.  Not.  On.  My.  Watch.

How Committed Are You--Really?!

Him:  I am going to...Blah!  Blah, blah-blah, blahhhhh.

Her:  Make it happen.

Five months later...

Him:  Blaaaaaah blah.  I haven't because...But...We should...I want to...

Her: *yawn* (Translation:  He's not committed.)

Big K.R.I.T. & An Open Sunroof

I spent a lot of time in the streets yesterday.  And the copy of Big K.R.I.T.'s latest offering was just what I needed.  Shout out to the person who made it appear on my iPhone.  Ask and she (ye, me) shall receive.  I have listened to it a few times since I got it.  But as I was lost riding through a place called Cheverly, Bowie, and DC, I actually listened to the lyrics.  There are a few winners.  That Temptation song makes me kinda wanna strap on some 'plastics' and pretend like I'm unfathered. 

A lot of lines stuck out to me.  But I wanna deal with a few lines specifically (taken from Red Eye).

Being single is cool 'til ain't nobody around
Then I'm chasing you down, cuz you was ready to fly
I can't be what you want me to be
You're shooting too high cuz you ain't aiming at me

...

I ain't the man you want me to be
I guess that's what's been bothering me

That might be the suckiest situation ever.  I've been throwing a lot of shade these last few days.  So much so, I fear that I'm going to run into someone who catches my quick shade, doesn't think it's cute, and slaps the piss out of me.  Word to Evelyn Braxton.  Hold me up in prayer.  For real!  In all this shade throwing, at least twice I have basically told people they weren't measuring up to the standards they advertise. Synonyms for disappointed were used with a smile. 

I've never felt I wasn't enough for someone.  I have felt that someone wasn't particularly happy with the stae of the relationship or their choice in me.  But that was THEM.  It didn't make me feel less capable, smart, etc.

Back to the lyrics though.  It would have to suck majorly to be with someone, love them to death, but fear you don't, can't, won't ever measure up to what they see as your potential.  I wonder how many men feel like this.

Do men who make less than their mates, are from more humble beginnings, or are less educated feel like this?  Not a far bridge to cross.  As a man, if you connect your esteem to traditional man stuff, and you're with a woman who can do more than you, can you really ever reconcile that and NOT feel like you are 'less than'?  And is there an equal feeling for women?

Worth What??

Y'all remember back when movies came on primetime TV?  One night I was with a suitor in my dorm room watching a movie (no heaux shyt).  At some point a male character said to a woman, "I paid good money for you."  For some reason, we thought that was hilarious.  To this day, I occasionally toss it around if I buy a dude something or pay for something--but only if they have a sense of humor. 

Dating for Marriage and the Lifestyle Factor

We all know that love is supposed to be the foundation of a marriage.  Over here, I think we're old enough to know that other factors come into play.  But I'm not sure everyone over the age of 27 knows this.  See, I have a frociate who just broke up with his SO.  I have never met this woman but I have heard stories about her.  Some good, some bad.  They are both cracking their knuckles in preparation to fill out their AARP membership forms so they aren't spring chickens.  I have spoken to him at length and have a pretty decent handle on his character.  He's selfish, she's crazy.  If he likes her brand of crazy and she works around his selfishness, I wish them well.

Hey X 4

I'll be back next week with stories and opinions. But what have y'all been doing? Some of u I see on Facebook and Twitter but the rest, I know nothing. And bless the hearts of y'all who peep in daily, leave nary comment, then bounce. I see you. Better yet, my star counter sees you.

So yeah, what's been going on?